I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Can we agree to not tell mom about this?
This isnt even the most disappointing thing i know about you.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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