who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
