AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
