Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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