Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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