he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
