He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
