I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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