u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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