I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
