Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
I've blown a few things in my day
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
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