why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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