I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
