and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
