Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Randomize
