Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
I just googled maps his house, and took the virtual tour back to my apartment, just so I could visualize the walk of shame in the morning
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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