Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
