The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
