shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
Someone signed my nipple.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
