College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I'm too high and old for this...
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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