Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I'm sorry. I really don't see what's wrong with pregaming before a wine tasting.This champagne won't drink itself.
The wine tasting is just for charity anyways...
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
