You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
So then I sent a pic msg of the Magnum XL box to her friend
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
