I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Randomize
