dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
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