Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Dicks are not precious.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
