We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
do you think if she looks enough like a dude i have to come out to my parents?
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
