i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize