Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
