so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
