I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
