Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
