It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
