I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Randomize
