Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Randomize
