so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
