so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
