the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
