she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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