garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
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