Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
