well you can't waste a boner
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize