Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Randomize
