I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
My vagina is officially offended.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
