miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
We have started to decorate penises.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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