A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
