i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
