i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
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