my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
Randomize
