I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
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