She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
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