i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
Randomize
