I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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