I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
Randomize
