i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
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