do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
