You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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