You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Randomize