I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
I need moral support for this bender
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
