Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Randomize
