After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
i am officially better prepared for a hangover tomorrow than i was for christmas.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Randomize
