Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
Randomize
