Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
