I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
She said we should all be mermaids since didn't breathe for 9 months inside our mothers. I want her logic.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
