Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
soo... how was my night?
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