What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
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