Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
The fabulous human disaster: it is him
I deserve this hangover.
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
Randomize
