I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
My idea of sleeping together involves doing the Humpty Hump. Her idea of sleeping together focused more on being fully clothed on the opposite sides of a king sized bed.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
it glows. i had to have it.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Shame - the story of my life.
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