who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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