were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Randomize
