Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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