Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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