Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
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