Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
Randomize
