I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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