I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
